Thoughts and feelings (No prayers)

  I would like to preface this rather short list with a thought. A few days ago, it occured to me that it is rather hard to come up with a novel thought in the 21st century. A thought that came through your mind while in a shower is rarely novel. Philosophers centuries before have probably written extensively or delivered a lecture on every possible idea that affects the human condition and the universe. I think that my personality, beliefs and opinions are in some sort of an almagation of all the conversations I've had with people, the books and essays I've read, the films I've watched and the music I've listened to. Even this idea that my individuality is a collection of everything I have consumed is an unoriginal thought. For example, Kamala Harris was infamously ridiculed for saying 'You think you just fell out of a coconut tree, you exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.' A popular comment that frequently appears in videos o...

 I submitted this essay for a module in the fall of 2024. “ Suffering and pain are the natural state for human beings. Happiness is not, and if happiness is presented as the natural state, it is rather fake, as humanity is bound to be in pain and suffering in a cruel existence” Do you agree with this statement?   To say suffering and pain are the natural states of human beings is to claim that we are inherently supposed to suffer before we are conditioned by our surroundings and life experiences. Whether suffering or happiness is thought as our natural state is significant to humans as our actions are shaped by our beliefs. In this essay, I will explore the various philosophical and religious views on happiness and suffering and how they relate to our natural state. I would show why I disagree with the premise and propose that the delicate balance between happiness and suffering should be thought of as our natural state. I agree that humans live in a cruel existence, we are bo...

Happy new year! 2024 was a weird year, filled with the worst shit as well as the best. I've felt my worst as well as my best. I started the year continuing my internship in an audit firm, doing mundane things as an intern does. I dreaded waking up and felt like a slave looking forward to the day I am handed a sock. Taking a 2-days break to Batam while on internship was so worth my salary deduction. I was also studying for a professional exam during the night, so that sucked. Good thing is that I passed the exam by 1 mark, which is a win as it was so damn hard. After the internship era, I was on vacation mode. Went on a cruise to Phuket, went back to my kampong in Malaysia and travelled through Malaysia. When I came back to Singapore, I met up with my closest friends to hit the gym before they went to the army. Then I started university and met a lot of new people. First semester was a bit challenging, the content was on a whole another level. My revision for the exams was double of...

As she interrupts my sight, I beam as if it were the peak of my life. I got lost in her hypnotising scent and silky hair, While I searched for a place in her life. A bump between skins sent my mind on red alert, But I wished hopelessly for more. Every conversation felt like birthdays, Exciting events separated forevermore. I wonder if she will ever requite my hopeless devotion, Or if I was damned to be stuck in secret admiration. I foolishly long for the sight of her, That even a glimpse would suffice. I am sick of being stuck in the cycle of forlorn love, Which ends the same way every single time. It is as if I were Sisyphus on the mountain, Pushing my boulder of lovesick passion.

 Religion has always been my Roman Empire. Ever since I was 12, I have been debating the possibility of God. I was introduced to Christianity at the impressionable age of 12. Under the guidance of a mentor, I started attending church and reading the Bible. When I was 16, Covid-19 hit and I was left with all the time in the world. I began to deconstruct my faith. I turned to debates on YouTube and read arguments from both sides. Obviously, I read the infamous book, 'The God Delusion' by Richard Dawkins. My beliefs changed for many reasons. However, two main issues solidified my beliefs. First was the issue of evidence. I understood that much of Christianity depended on faith, where there is belief without concrete evidence. No one can see God. By definition, God is supernatural. We cannot see it through our natural lens. However, it is just not enough for me. As a matter of principle, I cannot believe without evidence. I believe the scientific method is the way I should determin...

Ever since I was a kid, I had a fear of loneliness. I am afraid to be alone when I am a working adult, going to work and coming home to an empty house. The solitude of a single man with superficial friends is depressive. To be honest, I do have a hard time connecting with people. When I am with just one other person, my mind goes on a spiral about what should I even talk about. Awkwardness fills the air as I come out with topics to talk about in my head. It is not as though I do not have thoughts, but these topics I have in mind are not meant for conversations on a mundane trip home. I can't seem to have topics that the other person may have interests in. Usually, it goes in one of three ways. When the other person is extroverted, I can continue with the conversation as they will come up with topics naturally and I can follow their lead. Sometimes I want to get to know the person, so I will come up with some topics. But these topics are often related to school or work. Although it ...