Thoughts and feelings (No prayers)

Ever since I was a kid, I had a fear of loneliness. I am afraid to be alone when I am a working adult, going to work and coming home to an empty house. The solitude of a single man with superficial friends is depressive. To be honest, I do have a hard time connecting with people. When I am with just one other person, my mind goes on a spiral about what should I even talk about. Awkwardness fills the air as I come out with topics to talk about in my head. It is not as though I do not have thoughts, but these topics I have in mind are not meant for conversations on a mundane trip home. I can't seem to have topics that the other person may have interests in. Usually, it goes in one of three ways. When the other person is extroverted, I can continue with the conversation as they will come up with topics naturally and I can follow their lead. Sometimes I want to get to know the person, so I will come up with some topics. But these topics are often related to school or work. Although it ...

We as humans are very small, we existed for only 300,000 or so years out of the 4.543 billion years since Earth formed, out of the 13.8 billion years of the universe. The earth is 1 out of 8 planets in our solar system, our sun is 1 of the uncountable number of stars, and the Milky Way is 1 of 2 trillion galaxies in the observable universe. I cannot fathom how anyone thinks they are significant. Religious people think that everything was made for humans, that humans were created by an intelligent being that watches over our shoulders. Kings and queens of monarchies think that they are above their citizens, presidents and prime ministers represent their countries and make decisions for their citizens. I feel that my existence is just a random occurrence. 1 of 100 million of my father’s sperm swimming its way through my mother’s egg. After that, a million other genetic combinations of DNA occur, beginning the process of cell division and mutations. 9 months later, my mother went through ...

 i didn't know i could do this