Thoughts and feelings (No prayers)

 Religion has always been my Roman Empire. Ever since I was 12, I have been debating the possibility of God. I was introduced to Christianity at the impressionable age of 12. Under the guidance of a mentor, I started attending church and reading the Bible. When I was 16, Covid-19 hit and I was left with all the time in the world. I began to deconstruct my faith. I turned to debates on YouTube and read arguments from both sides. Obviously, I read the infamous book, 'The God Delusion' by Richard Dawkins. My beliefs changed for many reasons. However, two main issues solidified my beliefs. First was the issue of evidence. I understood that much of Christianity depended on faith, where there is belief without concrete evidence. No one can see God. By definition, God is supernatural. We cannot see it through our natural lens. However, it is just not enough for me. As a matter of principle, I cannot believe without evidence. I believe the scientific method is the way I should determin...

Ever since I was a kid, I had a fear of loneliness. I am afraid to be alone when I am a working adult, going to work and coming home to an empty house. The solitude of a single man with superficial friends is depressive. To be honest, I do have a hard time connecting with people. When I am with just one other person, my mind goes on a spiral about what should I even talk about. Awkwardness fills the air as I come out with topics to talk about in my head. It is not as though I do not have thoughts, but these topics I have in mind are not meant for conversations on a mundane trip home. I can't seem to have topics that the other person may have interests in. Usually, it goes in one of three ways. When the other person is extroverted, I can continue with the conversation as they will come up with topics naturally and I can follow their lead. Sometimes I want to get to know the person, so I will come up with some topics. But these topics are often related to school or work. Although it ...

We as humans are very small, we existed for only 300,000 or so years out of the 4.543 billion years since Earth formed, out of the 13.8 billion years of the universe. The earth is 1 out of 8 planets in our solar system, our sun is 1 of the uncountable number of stars, and the Milky Way is 1 of 2 trillion galaxies in the observable universe. I cannot fathom how anyone thinks they are significant. Religious people think that everything was made for humans, that humans were created by an intelligent being that watches over our shoulders. Kings and queens of monarchies think that they are above their citizens, presidents and prime ministers represent their countries and make decisions for their citizens. I feel that my existence is just a random occurrence. 1 of 100 million of my father’s sperm swimming its way through my mother’s egg. After that, a million other genetic combinations of DNA occur, beginning the process of cell division and mutations. 9 months later, my mother went through ...